Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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