Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
