I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
