So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
