i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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