Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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