a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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