Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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