I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
