I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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