Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
