The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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