she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
