It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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