Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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