i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize