i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
