plz talk dirty to me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize