I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
