the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
