Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
