I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
