So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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