watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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