If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
