whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
