I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
