well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
