I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's the barista slut.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize