im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
