Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
