quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
