it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
