the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I could fuck to npr.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
