I accidentally burped into my bong.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He passed out mid-signature
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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