Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
