you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
