my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
