No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
