I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ugly people sure do ruin things
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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