it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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