he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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