dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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