used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
