Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
