no, he came in my armpit
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
