she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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