Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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