I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
