I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
