His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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