We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
