i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
