Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
