You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize