fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
