My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
