If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
