Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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