Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
