I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ttyl tear gas
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Randomize
