My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
