i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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