I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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