i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
