I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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