Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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