i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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