It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
