god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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