Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
