just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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