Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize