Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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