i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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