If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
