Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
