No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
