Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
