You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
