It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Randomize
