we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize