a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
