I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize