You can't special order awesome
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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