Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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