walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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