I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
