dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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